Cathy - Beyond Perfectionism

Cathy -







It’s taken some maturity on my part to put my focus on what really matters – my desire to serve others. Even when I get called in the middle of the night, I stop whining, change my perception and tell myself I'm lucky to be able to help someone live another day. I had to learn to ask myself what’s more important, "my night's sleep, or showing up for the person who's on the table hemorrhaging."

Having hit bottom in my personal life a few years ago forced me to do some core work on myself and on my attitude toward life. The choices I made and the positive changes in me as a result are reflected in my nursing practice - how I deal with coworkers, physicians, everyone I meet professionally. I try to let people be who they are.

I have a different perspective on people because of what I've been through. I don’t engage in blaming or criticizing anyone else because I myself was the person with the chip on my shoulder, the person in a coat of armor and really, I didn't want anyone to know how scared I was. I think that’s how a lot of people are. Now I can be more compassionate.

And it’s a good thing because my specialty is cardiac surgical nursing. The hardest thing about it for me is dealing with the personalities of people who work closely together, physically, for hours at a time. Even though I can handle it most of the time, I do get stressed. I've had to learn to lighten up – not be such a perfectionist – and take care of myself emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I had a transformational experience as a volunteer on a medical mission to Bolivia. Serving there on a cardiac team helped me see things very differently. I've never worked so hard with so few resources for so many hours. It was totally volunteer and the payoff was tremendous. I would pay to do it again. It changed me in every way.

The people there were incredibly helpful and grateful. I was stunned to see how they did so much with so little. They were appreciative of everything we did. I streamlined their instrumentation and set up and showed them ways to pack supplies more efficiently.

I was astounded at their generosity. I make more in a day than they make in a week, but they kept giving us gifts."She gave. She helped me. She made a difference in my life." I still have the earrings one of the technicians gave me. We returned four years later to volunteer again and the people in their OR were still using methods I had showed them. I got to make a big difference in those trips. My husband, who is also a nurse, and I have discussed doing extended missions after our kids graduate from college.

Being a cardiac nurse requires me to be totally engaged. When I’m at work I don't think about other stuff. I try to check my own issues at the door, and focus on the team and the patient and what I'm doing here, right now. I get very present and that makes me feel alive to what I’m doing. Sometimes I need that reminder, not only that I’m saving a life, but that my life is happening and it has meaning.

I also need encouragement; everyone does. Once I worked for a charge nurse at a trauma center who had a very difficult and stressful job. She delegated hard projects to me and held me accountable for outcomes. Sometimes I thought I would buckle under the pressure, but for some reason, she believed in me. I asked her, "Why do you always give me these kinds of difficult projects?" She said, "Because you do them so well." I had to stand back and think about that. I realized I did do them well, and I still do. Her acknowledgement of my skills gave me confidence in my competence.

After all this I realize being in service to others, rather than being on the clock has provided me with a sense of purpose. I feel enriched because I have something I can give to other people and it makes a difference. When I'm dead, I don't want people to think, "She made a lot of money." I want them to think, "She gave. She helped me. She made a difference in my life."

My experience as a nurse seems like it bounces around a lot and may not even look cohesive to some people. But through my own personal journey I have learned that we all need compassion, patient or nurse, and I feel like I am able to offer both.

Power Strategies: Courage, Introspection, Accountability
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